Sunday, February 5, 2012

Tsunami Sushi Disaster

Not long ago, Elle introduced me to sushi. I'd always avoided it since the idea of chugging raw fish down my gullet sort of grossed me out. I envisioned sushi to be some sort of slimy, wet rubber matter and was never too keen on marking that off my bucket list.

Finally, Elle convinced me and we hit a popular little sushi place, I tried it, and it was awesome. I even took my nine year old and she loved it.

Anyway, that's the back story. The REAL story is what happened when Elle, Rawr and I tried to make our own last night. We had planned a girls night over at Rawr's and invited Shennanigan (whom you've yet to meet, but she's another gal in our neighborhood pack. She gave us a gang name, but if I tell you it'll be too easy to figure out where I live and then you guys wouldn't get the full stalking experience. Remember my disappointment in the Seattle trek?).

Shennanigan was busy being a supportive wife and mother while Elle, Rawr and I stormed her house, kicked her husband out and pretty much staked our claim. We even evicted the nine kids. We planned to really have a wild time.

Wild Time: [wahyld-tahym]  a particular period considered as distinct as from other periods. We broke Rawr, had a feline mishap and consumed many beers.

Except that our kids were slightly confused on what "go to Emily's house" means because we'd shovel them next door and come back to Rawr's only to turn around and find three of them standing there looking at us. It was a revolving door of children. We eventually gave up and just let them split between houses.

My 5 and Rawr's 4 were upstairs torturing Rawr's cat. The kitty is like, eight years old and hairy, and my 5 kept tossing her into the baby crib. The next thing we knew Elle was saying "The cat pooped in the baby crib and it's all over the clothes."

Have you ever seen anyone's brain visibly explode? It is quite a sight. Rawr is the OCD Clean Gal of the neighborhood. She's usually armed with some kind of cleaning utensil (vacuum, bottle of bleach, etc). She's particular about how things are (like I used to be, before my brain wore out) and I knew the cat poop thing would freak her the eff out.

I sprinted upstairs before Rawr's brain matter got on my shirt and assessed the situation. Yep. There's poop. And yep, it's touching clothes.

We stripped the bed, Rawr scooped her mind back into her cranium and we returned to the kitchen. And then the misbehaving of the kids began.

During this entire time we were attempting to create sushi. Have you ever done this? It's awesome, and it's hard. I had to have Rawr roll mine for me.

Things were progressing into a nightmare when Elle decided that what we needed was beer. And to put the kids to bed.

Things sort of even out a bit after that because Shennanigan showed up with her brood and we actually started eating the sushi.

Fast forward through good food, fun times and that kind of stuff.

After a few beers and most everyone had left, Rawr and I were sitting on her couch talking about housekeeping (what? We're women. We like clean stuff and we like it done to certain specifications).

Rawr's house is always spotless she'd just been telling me that her microwave was totally gross. I told her there was no way her microwave could be that dirty. Rawr was Blue Moon Courageous and encouraged me to open her microwave. So I did.

Oh. My. GAWD.

Ever watch Dirty Jobs? Did you see the episode where the toilet exploded? Yeah, only in food.

I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Dear readers, I have failed you because I wasn't brave enough to snap a photo. I should have braved Rawr's wrath and done it anyway. There were food stalactites growing from the roof of the microwave, and like forty seven layers of other stuff.

The reason I was laughing is because Rawr is such a particular housekeeper and I was relieved to know she is now human.

And about to be shut down by the FDA.

1 comment:

BunrattyBroad said...

You also failed to convey the brain melting hysteria of 9 screaming children under foot. Thankfully (or perhaps unfortunately? If the pain fades, what's to prevent us from attempting this again?!) the mass quantities of alcohol and corn chips have helped stop the Shakes caused by that fateful evening. I guess you had to be there to see it. E, why don't you invite some readers over for a festive evening of terror and backtalking?