Monday, January 30, 2012

Tramp Ball, The Rematch on Foot Fungus

Man. Getting smacked in the face with sweaty balls sure takes a lot out of a girl.

Tonight's theme seemed to be Face Plant Ball. At least this time, I wore shoes. That's right. No foot fungus for me! Let's do a play-by-play.

Here's me, jumping in place, scouting out the competition. Elle was on the other team, so naturally I gave her the snake eyes and told her I was watching her. She looked pretty intimidated while she punched one fist into the other hand and mouthed I will end you..  I moved on and made eye contact with a few others. There was the Spider Monkey Ex-Birthday Guy. Geez. Do not mess with that guy. I swear, at one point, I saw him climb the walls, grab a ball from mid-air and tag seven people with it. At once. The rest of their team was full of guys ten years younger than me and much, much faster, so of course I narrowed in on the only other girl on their team. I'd met her a few times before and she seemed really nice. I'm nice, too, so naturally every ball I threw was aimed straight at her face. I was totally not doing it on purpose! I'm a girl, I throw like a girl, I have no aim and I'm weak. With those statistics, any ball I threw should never have made it over to their side (three feet away). When I throw the ball, it usually lops up over my head and I end up tagging myself out. But tonight, well, those balls seemed to have her name on them. And I don't even know her name! I think I really started to piss her off. I'm not really sure if she was glaring at the guy next to me, or if those rabid dagger eyes were meant to bore holes into my soul. After one such instance, I tried to make us friends again by smiling at her and acting like I was having so much fun and wasn't SHE having so much fun and BTW it was SUCH a coincidence that I was heaving every throw directly at her, except I accidentally made it come across as Watch it, biyatch, I'm totally going to get you and from then on she tried to kill me.

I think it was around that point that I saw money exchange hands between her and this other guy and the next few seconds happened in slow motion.

I was in the front line of trampolines and just reaching for a ball when suddenly, there was a shadow crossing my face. It was coming from just above me head and to the left. I could see something out of my left eye and I turned my head to look and I had about a nanosecond before I had time to recognize what was happening.  Just as I registered that a giant ball was RightInFront of my face, I got slammed at about 90mph. I still maintain that I flew ten feet backwards and landed flat on my back, but apparently the ball just ricocheted off my head and I fell face first into the mat.

Worry not, good citizens. I'm trying to see if there was video so that y'all can see it. I know there was a photo because everyone started hollering and pointing to my face. Apparently it was beet-red, which isn't a big deal because after you jump around on a trampoline for an hour and a half, you're hot and sweaty already. 

I was pretty suspicious of my new enemy, but since I didn't see who threw the ball, I couldn't kill her right then and there. I'd have to use strategy.

The only problem is, I don't often use strategy when I can't execute it. I tried my dangdest to tag the chick, but that's when I started missing and eventually I just gave up.

On the way home, Elle and I shared a real defining moment in our Sistership.

Elle: Uhm, there's something stuck to my pants [nervous laugh]

Me: Let me get this straight. You just spent the last two hours handling sweaty balls and now you're telling me there's some kind of crap dried on your pants? 

Elle: Heh. Well, it's on my thigh, actually.

Of course it is.

Note: I left my camera at home (because I'm irresponsible) and Elle took all of tonight's photos and video on her phone, which now refuses to download. So. Tomorrow I will hold her hostage until she makes it work. Then, I will post evidence. See you then!

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