Friday, January 20, 2012

Did I just get a company?

Yesterday my friend R (we will now refer to her as "Rawr") started speaking to me again. I'm not sure she was on board with the Winter Combat Zone we set up on her front porch, but since he melted Rawr can now leave her house and resume coffee mornings with me and Elle.

Rawr and I met with our Girl Scout Troop Leader in the early afternoon to discuss cookie sales and how to organize the chaos. When Rawr and I had initially offered to help track cookies for the girls, we figured we'd jot some names down, compile some monies and sit back and sip our margaritas while the girls did all the footwork.

Yeaaaah, no. Rawr and I came out of the meeting with titles and a crapload of responsibilities.

Folks, you're looking (reading?) at the new Product Manager of Troop *****!

(Well, it's basically a dressed-up way to say Cookie Keeper, but what-ev. I ran a fast food restaurant for twelve years and I obviously like fancy things)

Rawr is my co-chair, which means I'm her boss. I'm putting together a list of things that she will be responsible for. I've just got a few basics so far:

  • Organize everything
  • Field all phone calls

Well, it still needs a bit of work, but she and I make a good team. I know that she we can handle everything it.

After I was crowned Cookie Chair, I took my subordinate Cookie Employee home. During the ride, we chatted about everything we had to get organized and Rawr blamed me for volunteering her for this debacle.

I argued that I was pretty sure Rawr had jumped at the chance to help with cookies and cited an example:

Me: Remember when Leader asked if you would like to help me, Cookie Extraordinaire, with cookie sales? You practically leaped from your seat. I remember is very clearly.

Rawr: That's because you pushed me from behind and I fell out of my chair.

Me: Oh yeaaaaah. That was funny. You totally dumped your punch and everything. Haha!

Rawr: I kind of hate you.

Me: [beams]

Note: I like to volunteer for tons of stuff and drag people with me. Ask Elle how the PTA thing is going.

Actually, Leader had asked me if I was interested, I told her I would think about it and the next day there was an email from leader thanking me for volunteering. And Rawr was CC'd in it. Sometimes I think Leader confuses Rawr and I which is weird, because I'm like 5'10 and Rawr barely clears 5'.

Aaanyway, we were fighting discussing the details in the car when I inadvertently killed Rawr. Almost. And not on purpose. We were driving the speed limit in a residential neighborhood and approaching an intersection when this jack-knife in a white car comes flying toward me. He must have been going at least 700mph. Or like 40mph, but still, it was way too fast. I slowed down and did that whole wide-eyed staring and talking to him like he could hear me.


At this juncture in time my speed was approximately stopped and the moron in the white car  had managed to screech to a halt, also. I didn't slam on the brakes or anything crazy like that because it's hard to drive drag-race style when you're a thirty-something mom who is overly cautious when ferrying her friend around.

Moron driver and I just stared at each other from our respective automobiles  for a minute and then I continued on.

Moi: GAH. Freaking dingbat! Who DRIVES like that?! [yelling out my side window at the offending driver] LEARN HOW TO OPERATE A VEHICLE, BUTTFACE!

Rawr: [peering over her shoulder] Um, I'm pretty sure you were supposed to yield back there.

Moi: .....SH*T.

Rawr made a few more jokes about how I was The Cookie Killer and armed with an SUV, out for blood. I thought about "accidentally" braking really hard so Rawr would bang her forehead on the dash. (J/K!)

I did feel like absolute crap for nearly assassinating her.

I mean, if I killed her, WHO would field phone calls??

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