Monday, March 5, 2012

Highway to Success

Yesterday I promised less free-time writing and more focused ranting.

There is a difference.

Maybe not.

I did allude to attending a 5 hour class on Playtime with Kids. I suggested calling the class "52 ways to get those bratty kids outta my face" but the instructor was not, apparently, taking suggestions.

The class was held in another town about 45 minutes away, a town I'd driven through just once before. Since I am completely against technology and do not own a navigation system or a phone equipped with GPS I had to resort to archaic measure. I Googled the directions.

Most of the drive was pretty uneventful. I spent time wishing I'd grabbed my Canon (Biggie C is what I call it) because the mist was amazing and the light was PERFECT. Of course, if I'd pulled off the road, no doubt I'd have been lost in the fog for hours shooting about 500 photos and would have missed the class. I'd spend time describing the scenery, but we're supposed to be on track today. Try to keep up, peeps.

There was one terrible freeway mess where I ended up in an industrial area where I'm pretty sure the Mafia goes to handle their problems. There were a LOT of sanitation trucks in that parking lot where I turned the car around.

I was becoming increasingly agitated once I reached the town because my little freeway folly had cost me ten minutes and, as you may recall, I cannot stand to be late for anything. I don't want to live in Tard Land with Elle. I'd left early enough in case I got lost but I was having trouble locating the address on my sheet. I passed The Plaza, which was a sweet looking mobile home park complete with a guy sitting on a stoop wearing a dingy white tank top and shorts (in the rain!) and a kid running around a dirt yard hitting things with a stick. It was pretty reminiscent of EuroTrip when the kids hit Bratislava during the summer. I didn't dally because I'd left my brass knuckles at home and I wasn't wearing my good velour sweatsuit. In shady neighborhoods, that kind of stuff can get you initiated.

I was pretty excited to discover a gorgeous lake because who needs a camera? I mean, I have hopes and dreams of becoming a photographer. You'd think that the little Canon I keep in my purse would have a fully charged battery. Nope. Not mine! Do you think they make attachable solar panels for cameras?

I finally found the address and pulled into the lot. I like to check out my surroundings when I'm driving around with 10 cases of Girl Scout cookies in the front seat of one of the areas most popular make of stolen cars. I'm certain of one thing: Elle may have tried to set me up. Leaving all those cookies in the front seat was like setting a trap for a bear. I dabble in Risk Taking, so I left everything in plain view.

There wasn't anyone else around, so I spent a bit of time trying each door and looking for an entrance. I forgot that Elle is a nerd and set her car clock ahead by ten minutes so I ended up sitting in the car for a half hour listening to Hinder on the radio and cleaning out my purse.

If anyone has been to the PNW, they'll know that just because it isn't raining doesn't mean the air isn't wet. By the time the class started, my hair was so frizzy I was one red polka dot scrunchie and a pair of stirrup pants away from working at Wal Mart. I fit right in with those other (sweet) providers.

Eventually, class did start and we had a fun time. I made blue play dough and a felt board. I contemplated creating an entirely inappropriate scene of my travels that day, but I opted not to because if I act like an idiot, they won't let me care for other people's kids. Then, I won't have a job and I would have to couch surf from reader to reader. Do you see where this is going?

I left all five kids with Elle (sucka!) on both Saturday and Sunday. By the time I made it home Sunday evening Elle looked liked she'd lived in the woods for a month. Don't ask me how she ended up with pine needles and dirt in her hair. We only have maple trees around here.

I do apologize, it's very distracting trying to blog and watch my cat clean himself all over my couch. I'll let you folks get back to what you're doing and I'm going to go start dinner. Completely unrelated to me chasing my cat off the couch.

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