Monday, May 14, 2012

It Was Hot

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. Rawr, Elle and I made it to church, which was a first for me in the last five months, so there's that. I wasn't entirely sure that the pastor even remembered me.

Rawr and I decided to take advantage of the 85 degree weather today by wearing sun dresses and pretending that this weather was going to last long enough for our stores of Vitamin D to be replenished before being sucked back into three more months of never-ending rain.

I seldom wear dresses, but being inspired by Rawr and her sense of style (and also maybe a little bit by Elle and her statement that I dress like the frigid Ice Queen from the Land of Prude), I stuffed my sense of morality and chose a dress that was a little more low cut than I am used to. Like, I had to sew some of the bodice together because no one should show that much front.

Clothing adjusted, Rawr and I decided to throw caution to the wind and walk to a small park about 3/4 of a mile from our neighborhood.

Which is always a fantastic idea with five kids under the age of five.

About a block away, one of them started the whole, "My leg hurts. I can't walk. I'm tired/thirsty/having a panic attack because no one will stop at that convenience store and buy me a soda pop that I'm already not allowed to drink but I keep asking for it anyway."

My 5 decided to take on the role of Mother to all of the children by barking out orders and criticisms at a deafening level.

5: NEGOMI! STOP WALKING LIKE THAT. You could DIE!

Negomi: Lemme 'lone, 5. You're not the boss a' me!

5: LISTEN TO ME!

And so on.

We eventually made it to the park where the kids all complained because some a-hole hung the swings up so high that even I, at 5'10 (height, not weight), needed a step stool to get onto, and then they proceeded to claim amnesia when it came to maintaining their swinging.

PUSH ME! HIGHER. NOW LADY! I'M SLOWING DOWN. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! Hey. Where are you going?

Two of the kids got picked up by their mom while we were still at the park, which kind of calmed things down a bit.

Losing them made the return trip a bit easier because I could put the two older girls in the wagon and Rawr and I were saved the experience of After Park Sniveling about who's turn it was to walk on the walk home. Having to haul eighty pounds of preschoolers in the wagon, I was the one who wanted to complain. It took me using both hands to move that sucker as I made a mental note to reduce their diet to kiwi and bottled water.

Halfway home, Rawr and I were sweaty, cranky and tired. I was sick of having to adjust the top of my dress because I felt like I was flashing everyone, and judging by the looks I was getting from people we passed on the sidewalk, I knew that my neurotic paranoia was not all in my head. I was going to knock Elle out when I got home for telling me to "loosen up."

While Rawr and I were hauling the wagon across an intersection, my dress got caught on the edge of the wagon canopy and was yanked sideways (relax, I was wearing appropriate under garments). I couldn't just stop in the middle of the road to yank it back into place, so I started running and trying to jerk my shoulder sideways and get the top to replace itself.

As I neared the edge of the sidewalk, I heard from a car turning right behind me, "Hey Emily!" I turned around and met the eyes of my pastor.

Apparently, he does remember my name.

I waved hello, yanked my top up and took off down the sidewalk while Rawr guffawed behind me.

Turtlenecks. ALL SUMMER LONG.

8 comments:

bunrattybroad said...

I can't help but wonder if he'll say hi again on Sunday. Or if he'll invite you up front at the end of church for a special payer for your soul.

I'm taking bets, readers.

shenanigans said...

you were not showing too much cleavage you weirdo! I thought you looked beautiful! you are too hard on yourself :) you are a woman, and you are shaped like one, that doesn't mean you have to live in turtlenecks lady. Tiny mini women without meat on their chests aren't the only ones that get to let there girls breath, lol, it's not our fault ours are bulkier!

Unknown said...

You think I'm BULKY?!

(see how I turn that around on you? It's like a gift. Elle has it, too)

Vikings rule.

The Great and Powerful Blogz said...

Just be glad I never let 'my' girls out to play.

There's a vision.

Mor-Mor said...

now why wasn't I there for this parade???I want a re-do when I get down there again....

Unknown said...

Blogz, there's a law against that.

Mumsie, it kind of weird that you want a replay of me flashing my pastor.

Gary said...

The pastor can't pray for that which she doesn't have. *cough*ginger*cough*

Unknown said...

I like to compare myself to Mombi (Return to Oz). I have a vast selection of souls to choose from.

Maybe I should explain the whole Soul Stealing Ginger thing before readers start to think I'm some sort of Serial Killler...