Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Neighborhood Watch is a sham

I've had a bit of trouble acquiring sufficient amounts of sleep over the last few days.

Maybe it's because I was out late two nights in a row (5am, anyone?) over the weekend, or maybe it's because Mumsie took seriously my threat of moving out of this God-forsaken, rain-soaked state of hell and bought me a Verilux happy light. A light which I plugged in next to my bedside table last night and promptly had my retinas scorched with it's laser beam glow. Then, I was awake and "happy" from 3am to 5am staring at the ceiling. Not thinking, really. Just. Staring.

I awoke to sunshine and dragged myself out of bed, opened up all the blinds and windows and tried to let the beautiful day wash over me.

It worked for a little while. I watched my niece ride the scooter up and down the sidewalk while I soaked up the gorgeous rays of sun, and I thought to myself that I was having a pretty good day. Any day with sunshine is a great day.

And then I realized that I wanted nothing more than a nap. No wonder my cat sleeps on my dresser in front of the window. I was tempted myself, but it would be a little awkward. I think I'm too big to really stretch out on top of it.

Around the time I realized I needed sleep, the kids got out of school and Rawr and I hit the streets peddling Girl Scout Cookies.

Uh, except this time Rawr and I put our lazy butts in her car and cruised alongside the girls as they hit each house.

What. It' safe. Besides, SOMEONE had to cart ten thousand boxes of cookies. By that time, the sun was hiding behind some very malicious-looking clouds and we were afraid of rain.

Slinging cookies is hard work, so Rawr and I decided the girls needed to run a few field drills. You know, to test their endurance, their intelligence, and their patience. Besides, I can only exist for so long with a crappy attitude.

My 10 had just left the driveway of one house, and was on the sidewalk headed for the next when she came flush with the car. Rawr put it in drive, and we crept slowly along. In perfect pace with my daughter (who, did I mention, got totally bawled out for losing her GS vest and was pretty mad at me for ragging on her? No? Oh. Well, she and I were both in pretty crappy moods by then). So I stuck my face against the glass and stared at her as we rolled along. Creeper status.

She smiled without looking at me. And began to run. So I rolled down my window.

Me: Hey. Girl. What's your name?

Daughter: [totally getting what I'm doing] Go away lady!

Me: Want some candy?

Daughter: NO!

Me: Better not.

So I let it go for a while. Then we ended up by this house where a guy was standing in his open garage, so I decided to see what kind of Neighborhood Watch Program that area had.

Me: HEY KID! WANT TO PET MY PUPPY? HE'S REALLY CUTE!

The girls were screaming with laughter as they ran down the street. The guy didn't even look up. I was disappointed.

Until we came around the corner. The girls were ahead of us, still walking, and there was some other kid
walking halfway up the street who turned around as she heard our car approach. I called out to my 10.

Me: Do you live around here?

Daughter: [somewhat irritated with me at this point] Leave me alone. I'm trying to sell cookies.

Rawr: That kid is watching you. I think we're freaking her out.

Me: [to my 10] No, really, do you want a ride?

Daughter: Seriously. STOP.

I was really enjoying how utterly freaked out the other kid was.

Me: I know your mom. It's okay.

Daughter: [ignoring me]

Rawr: Help us find our lost dog!

Daughter: MOM! REALLY?! [as the homeowner answers their door] HiWouldYouLikeToBuySomeCookies?

Homeowner: [looking confused] No?

I watched the other kid take off down the street.

I don't know about Rawr, but I had fun tonight. I guess sometimes all we need is some inappropriate behavior and the willingness to go to jail.


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