Monday, February 4, 2013

Face-Off. An original Rap Song.

Um, no. I do not rap. I did that just to excite and then disappoint you. Did it work?

Scene: My bathroom.
Time: Earlier
Cast: My 10 and myself

I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, washing my face with a washcloth. My 10 was behind me, watching my reflection with interest while she picked up her clothing. Which was everywhere.  Seriously. Who takes a shower and disrobes with 47 articles of clothing? How many layers does that kid need? I mean really.

Rawr and I may have placed ourselves on a no-alcohol diet starting January 1. I may or may not have broken this rule juuuuuust one time, which is pretty good, right? High 5! Rawr broke it that same weekend all on her own, so don't look at me like that. Besides, Vodka is calorie free, right? It's clear, so it must be. (We had to go off the sauce because we noticed that we would have a few beers/ciders every Friday during movie night. We also noticed that we were looking a little, shall we say, voluptuous? WE FELT FAT)

Um... why was I even talking about that? Let's see... face washing, alcohol, clothes on the floor... OH! I KNOW!

No, you twits. I did not drink a bunch of liquor and lose my clothes, but thank you for the vote of confidence.

We sort of pigged out on super bowl food on Sunday and both woke up this morning feeling gross and greasy. FYI, not a good way to wake up.

You're welcome for that mental image, by the way. Who else pictured a teenage Me with a 1980s hairdo and braces? (Which never happened, so you can stop right there)

Oh, man I'm getting off track.

So we had a few beers and ate a bunch of junk food and today our skin was feeling the effects.

When I was washing my face tonight, my daughter asked me why I wash off the make-up. I explained to her the importance of washing our faces and how pores can get clogged if we don't. I also told her that when you eat a bunch of junk food, your face can break out.

This whole exchange took place while I was leaning over the sink, trying to see if I'd gotten everything off my eyes when my daughter leaned in close.

My 10: Are 'pores' those indentations on your face?

Me: [reeling back] Whoa. Let's dial down the insults, girlfriend. You should see YOUR pores. They look... wait... how do you not have any visible pores, child?!

My 10: [smug smile] Because I'm a kid.

Me: [wrinkling my nose] My skin is older than yours. Besides, you have them. You just can't see them.

My 10: Huh. Well, no wonder women wear make up if you look like that under there.

Ouch.

Then again, she kind of has a point. I don't wear a ton of make-up because ew. I'm not a clown. But, being a redhead, you sort of don't notice I have eyes unless I put mascara on.

As for the rest of my face, there's not a whole lot I can do about that. Except, apparently, hide it.
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