February 14th

I've always hated Valentines Day.

For God's sake, if you're in love with someone, freaking tell them all the time. Don't wait for some ridiculous corporate mandated holiday to waste your money on tacky crap.

But I like funny stuff. I suppose if I were to express a slight interest in this day, I might do it in one of the following ways:

SO. MEAN. Yet so funny.

For those of us who aren't really picky about who we love

Um, I found this terribly creepy. I wouldn't know what to think. Is he trying to say he's going to kill me? We'll be together forever? WTF, now I'm scared.

When you never make proper decisions anyway, 

you may as well make them count.

Would you kiss this? Does ANYONE find this attractive at all?

She's probably got a forked tongue. Gross.

Too drunk to make good on those 

promises she made over dinner earlier, too...

Usually. Unless you piss me off. 

My love is basically conditional.

For Gary. 

Barely. In fact, it was a close second...

Hate to see what Karma has up her sleeve for you

Aaaaaaand, my favorite one of all. 

Because this is typically how I express my love.