Sunday, December 16, 2012

Who's his kid and why am I reading about him?

Report cards came home on Thursday.

This is never a stressful time because my kids are the smartest kids in the universe.

I'm sure those of you with children share the same opinion. Of your own. And maybe mine, too. Because they are pretty great kids. Mine are, I mean. I have no idea what some of your kids are like. (I'm incredibly biased)

My newly-turned 6 just started kindergarten this year, so this was her first official report card. It was pretty great. Except the teacher listed that my 6 could only count to 14, which is a load of crap because when I've said to her, Hang on, kiddo. I'll be there in three seconds, she starts to count and I'm not exactly punctual so it's usually around 60 before I am able to assist her in whatever it is she needs.

I was holding the report card in my hand when I asked her to count as high as she could. She looked at me and smiled, then this:

One, two, skip a few ninety nine ONE MILLION DOLLARS!


Making a mental note to review my elder children's involvement in teaching their sister to skip-count, I turned to my 9.

Me: Where's your report card, kiddo?

9: I don't have one.

Me: Like hell. Go get it.

9: I'm serious. I didn't get one.

Me: ......

9: Don't know what to tell you, woman. Talk to my teacher!

We are't going to get into why my kid refers to me  as woman.

Luckily, before I emailed the teacher, my 9 returned from school on Friday with her report card.

I skimmed over the card, noting all of her accomplishments, yadda yadda then flipped to the back to read the teachers comments.

Which were all about some kid named Joseph (who is apparently very smart and incredibly shy).

I emailed the teacher, attaching a copy of the report card (because I know how to use a scanner and I feel like I'm important when I do).

Hey there. I received my child's report card today, and while I appreciate you informing me on Joseph's progress, I would actually be very interested in hearing what you have to say about my daughter. I'm sort of partial to her academic progress. 

His response:



I have yet to respond because I'm sort of puzzled.

I mean, what do I say to that, other than the obvious No problem, don't let it happen again?

There's always, Great. Uh, are you going to correct the report card, or email me your thoughts, or is this just it and I can write in my own comments?

I kind of decided to create my own report card on the teacher and send it to him at the end of the year. Only I'm going to include comments regarding my mailman's service.

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