Friday, March 30, 2012

Just send my mail Here

Yesterday I attempted to do something all on my own. It did not go well.

The other day Elle put together a set of bunk beds with a host of issues, so when I decided to purchase a bed frame for myself I thought that being the older sister, I would show her how easy it actually is and then I could rub my success in her face for years to come.

That is what we call a Pipe Dream, people. What actually happened was me putting 90 miles on my car, three trips to Ikea and a possible theft on my record. It was a very taxing day.

It started out okay. Last week I bought this bed frame from Ikea. If you've ever been to Ikea, you know that everything comes packaged in flat boxes and you have to find items by aisle and bin number. Soon I will tell you just how idiot proof this is not.


Due to raising a village, I didn't exactly have time to put the frame together, so it sat in the garage for a week until I set aside some time for creating.

Yesterday I was 100% kid-free due to the alignment of the planets and my astrological sign being completely bogus, so I spent the morning roaming through Ikea where I found the perfect duvet cover and curtains. That afternoon, I decided to start the frame project 20 minutes before my 9 and 10 got home from school.

I hauled everything up the stairs and for once, I am sorry that there is no photographic evidence because I kicked some cardboard booty. Seriously, I felt like I was on Survivor. Only completely clothed, bathed, and not incredibly stupid. I didn't even fall down the top stairs a little or trip over the stupid laundry pile that someone didn't put away and now I'm totally going to dock his allowance because HOW HARD IS IT TO PUT AWAY A COUPLE OF SHIRTS AND A PAIR OF SOCKS, KID??

After I opened all of the boxes I stood back to survey the pile of white swirly metal and... four dark wooden boards? That's weird. A few photos for the sake of documentation:

 Directions: Ah, look how happy he is with a buddy! 
WHAT ARE THESE FOR?! Dark wood with a white metal frame?
 I may have trapped Elle in her room...
... because I made a bit of a mess.

Yeah, so. Those dark boards? Turns out I pretty much stole those from Ikea. BUT. It was an accident because when I was standing in front of the bin that day, there was this HUGE sign that said "This product comes in two boxes" with an arrow pointing to the boxes below. It was NOT my fault. No one caught this error because I used the self checkout. 

I had to drive back to Ikea yesterday (for the second time) to return the stolen property and explain my moment of stupidity to the clerk. I just know he talked crap about me after I left. Look at me, I'm talking crap about myself on the internet.

Upon further review of my original receipt (AFTER I GOT HOME), I discovered that in addition to stealing parts to a bed frame, I had also somehow purchased a set of feet for an entirely different kind of bed. Sweet. Was I drunk that day? Geez. How does one buy/steal two items that aren't even remotely connected to their intended purchase? I'll tell you. Those Ikea people tried to trick me. Because on my third trip there yesterday, I checked the bins and all that crap was in the wrong spot. Totally not my fault, yo. I suppose it was okay to return the third time because I decided that I needed a bigger bedspread because the Queen size I have doesn't begin to cover the sides of my bed.

Check this out:

How high is this bed?? I felt like royalty sleeping in this thing last night. I also slept with one hand clamped around the headboard because I was afraid that I was going to fall off. Plus, I'm scared of heights.

Also, please don't judge my bedroom. I know that it looks like a dorm room. It's a work in progress.
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