Sunday, November 18, 2012

Revenge. Serve it however.


If today were a scene from a horror film, I would have won an Oscar.

Rawr and I were leaving Chuck E. Cheese (DUDE what a madhouse!) tonight after my niece's birthday party. Rawr was piling her kids into her car, while myself and my three kiddos were a fair amount behind her, still walking along the sidewalk.

And suddenly, I had an idea. Payback. Because I'm a b*tch.

Once, a long time ago, Rawr sneaked into my house, walked around the corner and scared the crap out of me. So I hit her.

It's my first reaction. I also don't like being tickled, as you may recall. I have inappropriate reactions to unexpected touching. Consider yourself warned.

And ever since, revenge has been simmering in the back of my mind.

I handed my keys to my 11, told the girls to pile in, and walked to the passenger side of Rawr's car. Her husband was getting into the driver's seat and totally saw me. And remained silent. A good man.

I stood there, hands at my sides, chin pointed down, and waited.

While Rawr was looking over her other shoulder and speaking to her kids. So I raised my hands, pressed my face into the glass, and waited.

While Rawr turned to her left and spoke to her husband.


So I moved my head around a bit, re-positioned my hands just an inch away from the glass and hovered until Rawr's husband finally took pity on me, pointing to the window where I stood.

Juuuuuust as Rawr turned her head, right before eye contact, I sprang at the window and slapped it with my hands, yelling, "RAAHH!" at the top of my lungs.

I saw it all in slow-motion. Rawr's eyes opened wide, her mouth round with a scream, her arms raised in defense. I think she thought she was going to get murdered or something. 

Then it was all really fast, I saw flying hair, hands flapping at the air and I heard a lot of screaming. I ran away from the car gasping for air, I was laughing so hard. 

I could hardly get the door to my car open because my eyes were tearing so bad and I was terrified that she would get out of her car and come after me.

I hoisted myself into the driver's seat and leaned against the steering wheel, trying to get a grip. I looked over into Rawr's car and saw her husband laughing, Rawr laughing and then flipping me off.

Which you know, we've been talking to the 4 and 5 about recently because some kid at school was doing it, so I don't think Rawr was setting a very good example.

It took me a few minutes to stop laughing so hard, and it was a few more minutes before I stopped snorting with laughter every time I imagined the look on Rawr's face when I smacked the window.

It's totally worth whatever she does to get back at me.

Dude. This bugs me. I worked really hard on this depiction and Paint jacked it up right as I was putting the finishing touches on Rawr's dead eyes and shrunk the whole file. I couldn't fix it. Stupid Windows 8. Maybe you can zoom... The words just say "HAHA."

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