Some background

Yesterday I touched on my need for expensive therapy and then I started to talk about a friend of mine. Somehow I got all excited about my attempt at making pizza (which turned out amazing, if you remember, and I'm getting ready to apply to culinary school right after I finish this) and it sort of spiraled out of control from there.

So back to this friend, whom I have dubbed The Jerk. Well, she's really not. I've known her since I was twelve when we met on the first day of 7th grade. I was brand new to the school and if we could just get the mental picture going, this story would be oh-so vivid for you.

The year was 1991. I was taller than pretty much every kid (in the SCHOOL). And "big-boned." Not exactly fat, but definitely not slender. So you've got this huge, red-headed yheti of a kid dealing with acne, boys and someone (me) thought it would be a good idea to perm my hair.




DUDE. My scanner just broke! Aurgh. Imagination people. Use it.



Okay, so this was actually going to show me in a lion costume in the school parking lot during my senior year (another story entirely) and is not in fact my real hair. Imagine it all one color, piled on top of my head in a scrunchie. Moving forward.

The first day of school is a bit hazy in my memory. I am still was pretty socially awkward but I think I hid it pretty well.. If someone tried to talk to me I would break into a terror-sweat, mumble something unintelligible and run away. I'm pretty sure people thought I had somewhere really important to be, like terrorizing a village in the Alps.

There was one girl who took pity on me and asked me if I wanted to sit with her at lunch and I was like, HELLO. I know no one. Even the janitor thinks I'm a loser. I graciously accepted her offer and met her out on the bleachers by the football field. Her name was Linda. We got to talking about starting junior high, how scary it was for both of us, where I'd just moved from, etc. I even laughed at one point and realized I wasn't sweating from fear and thought, This girl and I could be best friends. We could stay in touch all through college, marry brothers and live next door to each other in little white houses with picket fences. We're soul mates! I think it was around that time that I noticed another girl sitting two rows up and just behind my new best friend, Linda. This girl was also blonde and she looked pretty tall. She was eating her sandwich and glowering at someone just past me, down on the field. Yikes,  I thought. I wouldn't want to be the one who pissed HER off! Heh. Who is she looking at? Um.. there's no one on the field.  Linda and I are the only ones out here besides this chick. What the.. ME?! Is she staring at ME? HolyFrickShe'sLookingAtMe. It was like someone sprayed me with a hose. I was sweating, nervous, and my lunch was about to reappear from my stomach. Did I do something to this girl that I don't remember? I couldn't even remember seeing her before lunch. Maybe I stepped on her foot in the hall. Bumped against her in class? Stole her boyfriend? (HA) Linda noticed a change in me and asked if I was okay. I kind of pointed at Murder Girl and stuttered that I thought we were about to die.

"Oh. That's my friend, Lisa."

WHAT. You KNOW that girl?


Yeah. Apparently THEY were Best Friends and Lisa was about to kick my butt for encroaching upon her territory.

Lisa stood up.

Holy frick. That girl is the same height I am. And built like me too. OhMyGawdShe'sComingOverHere.


Lisa stood on the bleacher where I was sitting, towering over me like a 9 story building. I looked up at her, squinting in the sun.

Hi? I offered.

She eyed me, not moving, just watching.

I kind of think I blacked out at that point because the next thing I remember was the bell ringing and Lisa was gone.

I patted myself all over, checked my limbs and torso for wounds. Huh. Nothing. OHMYGAWD. Am I DEAD?!  I started to hyperventilate and I'm pretty sure there was a bright light and then someone was poking me.

Linda was sitting next to me. I couldn't really be sure what her exact emotion was just by looking at her face. It was either Gosh, Lisa was really terrifying to my Best Friend, or something more like I am SO dropping myself from the school welcoming committee after dealing with this freakazoid. I'm not really clear on which.


The really weird thing is, during our high school years Linda and I became casual friends who would wave to each other in the hallway and say Hey! in passing. We're friends on Facebook and every once in a while we comment on each others' posts.

Lisa and I? We became the Best FOREVER Friends who spent every free moment hanging out with each other from 7th grade all through high school and beyond. We had countless sleepovers, her mom taught me how to drive a stick shift,  Lisa and I spent the summers camping and taking bike rides to High Bridge, her mom shaved my dog's back because I started giving her dog a regular tail-cut. That kind of stuff.

Lisa's been one of my best friends in life and even when I use her as blog fodder, she takes it with a grain of salt and encourages me to keep going. Thanks, Jerk!