Sunday, January 13, 2013

My hatred for the United States Postal Service. May they perish.

Winter Quarter has started.

And I already want to kill someone.

More specifically, Amazon. And the United States Postal (dis)Service.

So, books. I had to get some for classes, right? And everyone knows they're about a million dollars in the college bookstore. You can get them for around half a million on sites like Amazon and AbeBooks. You just have to shop around.

Last quarter I used AbeBooks and had pretty good luck finding what I needed at a reasonable price (mind you, I am a TOTAL cheapskate so having to pay 50% of the campus store price was a good savings, but still a crap-ton of money).

Last weekend, Shenanigan tagged along to the bookstore with me and assisted in comparison shopping right then and there (Smart Phones- gotta love 'em. I don't, though. I hate them. But I will take advantage of their convenience when necessary). Amazon had the best prices, so I wrote down the ISBN numbers with the intent to order the books online and we left the store.

That was Monday. On Tuesday I got three emails informing me that my card had been declined. Crap. I forgot that a while back I had to cancel one of my debit cards (due to some fraudulent charges that I may explain in a future post once my kid is 18 and no longer grounded for what he did). Said card was still linked up to my Amazon account, so no wonder the charges were declined. I changed my billing info and re-ordered the books.

The next day, I received another "declined" notice for two of the books. The third book purchase had gone through. WTF. So I went back, re-entered my debit info, waited about twenty minutes to see if I got another notice and thought all was well when nothing happened.

Until I received a third notice of decline. I think that was when I panicked and thought someone had hacked my bank account and stolen all of my precious dollars, so I switched browsers and logged into my bank account. All good there. Hm. Weird that one of the books had gone through, but the other two were being declined. They were purchased from different sellers. (I never did figure out what happened there.)

Screw this, I thought to myself. I'll throw it on my credit card and just pay with that. It worked. Frickin' website.

The first book that had already gone through was ordered with rush shipping. By this time it was Wednesday and I was already missing assignments by not having the textbook. By Friday I was getting annoyed that it had been 5 days and no word on my book other than "shipped" appearing on the Amazon page.

Until I got YET ANOTHER FREAKING NOTICE saying that book was now CANCELLED because it was not in stock.

Pretty sure the neighbors could hear my cussing when I got that email.

I was pretty pissed, frankly. I was a week behind in that class already, had paid extra for rush-shipping and now the book wasn't even coming. Frick. I ordered the book from a different site at a higher price. Double damn. I hate spending more than originally planned.

Saturday evening rolled around and my 11 checked the mail.

Guess what he brought me.

A sopping wet, totally disgusting textbook. The very same textbook that had apparently been out of stock, but was now sitting on my bedspread, the nasty water seeping into my duvet.

I sat there, staring at the package.

"Where the hell did you get that?" I asked my 11, pointing at the plastic mess.

"From the mailbox, Mom." My 11 shook his head at me and left the room. I poked the sodden grossness with my pencil. It fell to the floor.

"HEY! You didn't by chance get this thing handed to you by a man in a flaming red devil suit, did you?" I yelled to my kid.

"No, Mom. Satan did not hand me that book."

I wasn't too sure.

The book was in there. All 900 pounds of waterlogged pages. Gross. And I was pissed. Obviously I didn't check the "marinate my book in rainwater" option on Amazon.

The USPS was behind this. I just knew it.

Earlier this summer, Rawr and I got all crazy and tried to be PNW Snooki look-alike's (NO NOT REALLY. MY GOD) and I ordered some kind of tanning oil off of EBay that Rawr loved and the USPS stole it. And refused to return it.

It's kind of a long story ad I would appreciate it if we could stay on task here. That's an entirely different blog post ...If I haven't blogged about it already. (Crap, what if I did and I can't remember? Pathetic)

On the front of the plastic wrap was some crappy pre-printed note from the USPS stating that accidents happen and nothing is fool proof and they effed up and basically I'm screwed out f a sixty dollar book because they have one-armed, blind monkey's working for them.

Bitter? Yeah. I am. What gave it away?

I contacted the seller to see if there was insurance on my purchase. Of course there wasn't. I politely suggested that they make insurance an option for buyers in the future (I was nice. I really was).

And then I set fire to the USPS lobby.

Well, that was a lie because I'm pretty sure I would get caught since I don't run very fast. Also, I'm a little too soft for jail. Plus, I would have to get a prison name and with my luck I'd get stuck with a name like Mork and end up getting my ass kicked.

I'm boycotting the USPS. Again. Because now I refuse to order anything from anywhere involving that place. I'm either using a carrier pigeon or UPS.

Oh, and guess what. In my rage-induced haze of hatred, I forgot to cancel the second book. Guess what just cleared my account and is now "shipped?"

Mother effer.
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