Extra Extra, it's in front of your face

Telephone conversation between Mumsie and I.

Mumsie: I think someone stole the tractor.

Me: That's something I never thought I would hear. 

Mumsie: Yeah. Dad saw some guys wandering up and down the road over the last few days. He thinks maybe they were scoping out houses.

(My parents live out in the middle of nowhere in a teenie tiny town with like, population eleven. Anyone unrecognizable wandering up their road should raise immediate suspicion. The house should have been put on lock-down, the hounds released and the bunker retreated to)

Me: That's a little creepy. I guess it's a good thing Dad owns 750 guns and three attack cats. And some elk.

Since I'm pretty eloquent wordy, I thought I might make a poster for my parents, just in case the tractor was spotted cruising down the main drag.

MISSING

John Deere Tractor, green

Last seen on 10 acre plot in the middle of nowhere

Useful for mowing grass and other activities

Please raise your hand if you see it

My parents filed a police report for the missing tractor, but Mumsie couldn't shake the feeling that it was just too weird for someone to steal their tractor. She called me back a few days later.

Mumsie: Found it.

Me: Where?

Mumsie: Where we usually park it. Except it was under a tarp.

Me: Dude.

Mumsie: Yeah.

Apparently my 9 was the last kid on it and covered it with the tarp so it didn't get wet in the rain.

I amended my poster.

MISSING

My parents sanity and eyeballs

Good luck finding those