Wednesday, September 12, 2012

A post in which I over-use parenthesis.

My 5 and I have been spending quite a bit of time chatting lately. With more substance than usual, I guess I should say. My 5 usually follows me around yakking about all kinds of things, but since her first day of Kindergarten last week, we have moved on to bigger, more worldly topics (oh, I didn't blog about her first day? That's because she threatened to disown me for abandonment and I'm still not over the entire situation. Maybe later. Right now I'm trying to heal).
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This evening after her bath, we sat on the floor by the top of the stairs folding clothes (don't judge me. If you saw my tiny house, you'd be shocked that it came with a laundry room, let alone three bathrooms. Someone wasn't prioritizing with space. I'm willing to bet it wasn't a woman). I used the opportunity to delve a bit more deeply into school. I asked if she's made any friends, and she said yes.

5: I met a boy, Momma.

Mild panic. Nothing to worry about. It's just a boy. He's probably ugly.

Me: Was he nice? What was his name?

5: [shrugs] I don't know his name. BUT HE HAS REALLY NICE EYES.

There goes that theory.

Me: [gulp] Um. Really.

5: Yes. And I want him to be my BOYFRIEND! [insert maniacal laughter here with some kind of weird buck-toothed grin that I've never seen before, but could become a fan of because it will most likely keep ALL the boys away. Even Jesus]

Let us pause here for just a moment.

WHAT. THE. EFF.

She is FIVE YEARS OLD.

I thought I had more time, seeing as how my nine year old daughter is not even boy crazy yet and she's in fourth grade. I was waiting to read Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret with each of the girls at the appropriate age. Mostly to see how grossed out she is when it gets to the part where all the girls get their periods because I know that when I read it, I was completely disgusted and wanted to die.

BTW, on a Super Side Note related to the filthy topic above, check this out. WTF?!

I'm sorry you had to see that. But I was just flipping through those stupid Facebook Quote thingies and since it couldn't be unseen, I wanted every one else to be grossed out, too. I won't ever do anything like that again.

Back to my 5 and her infatuation with No Name.

Me: Do you know what a boyfriend is?

5: [thoroughly amused by this conversation] Yes. You use them for kissing. And other things.

Me: [gasping for air] What. Other. Things?

5: Getting your snack. And putting away the glue.

Me: Alright.Yes. Um. You should do that yourself.

5: Momma? Why don't YOU have a boyfriend?

Me: [seizing the opportunity to drive it home] Honestly, babe? Because I got cooties from kissing a boy in kindergarten and no one would ever talk to me again EVER EVER EVER.

5: EW! You're disgusting! I'm never kissing ANYONE!

At which point she gets up, screaming with laughter, and runs through the house shrieking Momma has cooties!

Meh.

It was worth it.
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